


Lost

by regionalatbest



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionalatbest/pseuds/regionalatbest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is lost and terrified but it's okay because he has Phil</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

When Dan was fifteen he was terrified. He was terrified of college and uni and the fact that he still didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life even when all his friends did. He was terrified because he had stopped taking piano lessons and hardly ever acted anymore and he really regretted it. Because even if he wasn’t talented he could still pretend that he was and it would probably be almost okay. Maybe. But most of all he was terrified because he had all these thoughts and no one to share them with. He didn’t have a best friend and he was starting to think that they were something like the Easter Bunny or Santa, something made up by parents to make kids feel better. Only his parents had never had the heart to tell him the truth. So there he was, believing in something that didn’t exist.

  


When Dan was eighteen he was lost. He was lost because he had less than a year to decide what he wanted to do with the rest of his life and he was just as clueless as when he was fifteen. In fact, the only thing that has become better since when he was fifteen is Phil. He finally got his best friend. Probably. Maybe. Because he loves Phil, a lot. And Phil has called Dan his best friend before, once. But really they get along so well and Phil said that he could come up to visit soon, And that has to mean that he feels the same way. Right?

But Phil’s older and has just finished with university and Dan hasn’t even started and Phil says that he doesn’t care, that it doesn’t matter. But Phil says he’s going to move out soon and he gets closer to 100,000 subscribers every day. And that scares Dan because he just met Phil a few months ago and he’s so afraid to lose him. Probably too afraid. Because everything else in his life is fucked. He he failed one of his A Levels and he still doesn’t know where he’s going to go to university or what he’s going to study and he just feels lost. And he’s felt lost for years. And when he tells Phil this he asks why and Dan just doesn’t  know why and that frustrates him even more and he’s just lost.

  


Dan is twenty-one and he is content. Because he tried the university thing and it didn’t work out but that’s okay because he has Phil and they live together and have for nearly a year now and it’s been amazing, the best year of his life. And he’s gaining subscribers really quite fast, faster than he ever really hoped for. And sometimes–when he can’t sleep and Phil’s long gone–he thinks back to how he was three years ago. He thinks about how lost and terrified he was and he remembers wanting to meet Phil and wondering if Phil really even liked him and now they’ve been dating for over two and a half years and they live together. And sometimes they do stuff for Radio 1 and in a few months the might do even more with them and in August they are going to move to London and it kind of freaks Dan out but it’s okay.

Because he has Phil.

And Phil makes everything seem so much less scary and daunting. He made the rapidly growing subscriber count seem like nothing more than a number. And when Dan stopped including Phil in his videos and live shows as much he wasn’t mad. He just asked why.

Sometimes he wonders how he ended up with Phil because–to Dan–Phil was far too good for him. But then he remembers something that Phil told him back when he first decided to take a year out of university. About how Phil wasn’t too good for him, because if the roles were switched, and Phil was in Dan’s position, Dan would do the exact same thing. Because taking care of someone you love doesn’t make you too good for them, it just means that you really care about them and you want them to be happy as soon as possible.

And maybe that’s why he loves Phil so much, he makes all the worries of the past six years seem like something he could easily overcome. He doesn’t feel terrified or lost or scared or anything like that around Phil. And it’s great.

It really is.


End file.
